I’m at my sister’s baby shower watching her open gifts, but being ambushed by little kids opening them for her. I texted my husband “I’m broken. I don’t find any of this baby stuff cute and the kids are opening her gifts for her. I’m so annoyed” He was kind enough to respond saying “you’re not broken, you just don’t like that stuff”
I’m writing this not to offend anyone or be insensitive but to just share my feelings on this very touchy subject…babies.
As a young girl, I loved playing house and being a mommy or playing teacher. Up until I was 21, my goal was to have 4 kids and stay at home with them. I wanted 2 boys, Joshua and Lucas and 2 girls Madison and Kayla. As I grew older, built my career and found my passions, wanting to have a family went away.
Before Ryan and I got engaged I told him I was 85% sure I didn’t want kids. And we were both open to adopting as well. This was a conversation that needed to be had. I felt horrible because Ryan was open to the idea and he loved me so much that he was willing to sacrifice being a father to be with me. How horrible was I not to return that selflessness? I couldn’t put making him a father in front of my own choice not to be a mother, but that didn’t mean I loved him less. He is my world. I once sat next to a woman tell another woman, who was single and unsure about having kids,(they both knew I was married) say “you will want kids when you meet the right man” OH SNAP!!! I wanted to punch that judgmental b$*ch in the face. How dare you say that? But then I calmed myself down realizing that her statement was her own insecurity.
In my mid 20’s everyone was always telling me;
“you’re young, you’ll change your mind”
“It will change your life, you have to”
“Don’t you want to leave a piece of you when you leave this world”
Then as I got closer to 30;
“You would be such a great mom”
“You have no idea what you will be missing”
“Who will take care of you when you are older”
“Who will you celebrate the holidays with”
“It’s different when they are your own children”
Gah! Leave me alone. Now to address some of these statements, just because I was young doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind. It’s actually the opposite, I’m more sure of my decision that ever.
I know a child would change my life and I would be a great mom, but I’m already a great cat mom and LOVE my life the way it is, I don’t want to change it. It’s also true that I don’t know what I am missing, but you have children and have no idea what experiences you are missing that I have the opportunity to enjoy. You can’t compare the two. They are so different and are customized to our own lifestyles. Everyone has their own ideal life and I am living mine.
I’m not going to lie, I have questioned my decision only because I want certain experiences you can have with kids, like the first time you take them to Disney, all of the funny things they say and matching mommy daughter bikinis but you can’t chose what parts you want. When it comes to a baby, it’s all or nothing.
I am leaving a lot behind when I leave this life and honestly the world can be such a cruel and ugly place that sometimes I’m glad I’m not introducing something so innocent. As far as holidays and getting older, well family isn’t defined biologically, so I could be with family friends or just Ryan and I somewhere tropical. As of now I have 3 nieces and nephews who can suck up to me until the day I die to get Auntie Angie’s $$$$, your kids just think they are entitled to it.
I know I have my reasons for not wanting them and I respect your reasons to have them. I have many friends that are struggling to have a family and it hurts my heart. I feel like a b*$ch saying I don’t want them but if I could I would give them all my fertile energy. Life isn’t fair when the couple that would be amazing parents aren’t given the chance to shine!
I’m now in a not so fun position in my life. My friends that already have children, don’t think to include me in their activities. Do I want to be invited all the time, no, but it’s nice to be invited. My friends that are starting their families don’t realize that our friendships are going to change. I am so happy for all of my friends and family that are stepping into the next phase. I know they will and respect that but honestly it sucks being the odd girl out. I’m not trying to be selfish, but when you are the girl that isn’t following social norms, you feel rejected.
I’m not saying that I don’t like kids, I can tolerate the well parented offspring, but there are quite a few little a$$holes being raised and those children will get the death stare from me all day.
I think as women we need to support each other’s decisions about children. Some chose to work, some chose to have 3-4 kids and some of chose not to have them at all. We are all making the RIGHT choice for our own lives.